It's when they're older that they know their weight. Are they still pretty? Adorable? Cute? They don't feel it. The praise has slowed. Stopped. How will they know themselves without it?
The world gives them plenty of ways. This actress. That model. This ad. That post. Always prettier, but how? Starve yourself. Dye yourself. Pierce yourself. Shave yourself. Spend your money. Spend yourself. You will never be pretty enough. Never.
And it's a zero sum game. Girls are either pretty or ugly. Ugly is evil. Ugly is stupid. Ugly is invisible. Intelligence can't overcome ugly. Strength can't overcome ugly. It is a terminal condition.
We like dichotomies. Pretty or ugly. Saint or sinner. Winner or loser. Republican or Democrat. It's probably hardwired into our biology. Early humans saw a predator and needed to make snap judgements to save their lives. Fight or flight.
We see these categories as fixed. People who commit evil acts must have been born evil. They must have been evil babies. If only the people changing their diapers could have detected it. Maybe we could've locked them up before they were able to walk around. They must have been evil toddlers, scheming to steal an extra crayon from the kid across the table at preschool. Where was the school discipline? Certainly they were evil children, torturing animals as practice for their future crimes. Don't we have detention centers for juveniles? Never mind that one was just closed because of sexual abuse. Those kids are evil, anyway. And they will always be evil, so we may as well put them to death when they're old enough. Or blow them up by robot. Or shoot them.
And now we have an election that has laid bare just how strongly we believe in fixed dichotomies. Donald Trump has never pretended to be religious, so according to the Christian right, he should be labeled sinner. But he is willing to say terrible things about anyone. So when he says hateful things about the right people—gay people, trans people, abortion providers, Hillary, Obama—they declare him a saint. Anything hateful he says about anyone else is discounted. His sainthood is permanent.
Hillary is too blurry. She was never pretty enough. She should have stuck with the limitations nature gave her. Instead she claimed that competence and intelligence gave her a right to speak out. And people pushed back. She was forced to bake cookies to prove she could behave herself. She was forced to step back from healthcare reform to prove she wasn't above herself. But she didn't learn her lesson. She became a senator and Secretary of State. Then—baggage in tow—she entered the ultimate popularity contest, running for president.
It absolutely goes against the script. The brainy, plain girls—think Velma in Scooby Doo—can come up with ideas, which the good looking people will use to solve the problems. They will never be popular. I've wondered about the intense hatred of Hillary. Is is really about her honesty? Some will grasp anything they can to declare her evil. But the real problem isn't about truth or lies, its about boundaries.
Something went wrong with Hillary. Yes, she does everything women do to be beautiful—hair, makeup, whatever else. But she doesn't let the results limit her voice. And that's threatening. What if women can't be controlled by standards of beauty? What if they all speak out? Where would we be then? Probably in a better world.
